It tough putting this into words. Its a bit heartbreaking right now. You see you didnt have much time for me, I had to work to hard to get your attention.
I had admired you from afar for so many years, so many times all i could do was watch from a distance but then....you were coming. You were going to be here, with me, with us. Bringing your special magic and wonder and my heart was filled with the possibility of meeting you face to face.
There were those first messages of interest, little snippets of what was coming, excitement rising. Hope rising. But then it seemed that the truth was different.
There were times when you tempted me with the possibility of spending time with you and I began to dream. But then the hard facts like stone in my inbox. You had time for others. Im trying not to be jealous. I know they have more money and more influence. But it hurts. I had believed you cared about the ordinary...but it seems now that there was no space for me in your heart.
I waited and I waited....I hoped and prayed but there was nothing from you. Tantalising emails with empty, inspirational words which in my heart i knew were shallow promises but i just. didn't. stop. hoping. I kept going back for more...more chances? more disppointment.....you had nothing left for me.
But now, its the third time...its harder, the disappointment still swirling my soul, i see you everywhere, images and pictures that taunt me and what once had my heart swelling with pride now leaves me with that now oh so familiar sour taste in my mouth.
Oh i didn't listen to the others who told me you were no good, that you would give me nothing in return, that you were asking such a high price for what you offered. What a fool i was to believe in the dream, in your promises. We all believed.
I still love you, I know that there is a part of you that has nothing to do with this nonsense and i still. really. love. that.
Ill get over it, i can't see you in person but i can realise that its not about those precious tickets that me, we to, can come to the party. I'm bigger than that... and i will cheer you on and shout your name and have my heart puff with pride and look you in the eye. But just for now. Its all a bit bittersweet.